You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
