I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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