Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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