I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
