we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
