The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
