Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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