Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So many bounce houses so little time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
