I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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