I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
