No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i've created a new STD.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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