I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
