I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
