So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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