called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize