This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
