you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize