glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
