Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
