My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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