rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
