If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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