I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
