he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
