Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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