he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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