so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
