i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Vodka?
Forever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
