awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
