you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize