My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
