Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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