he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
