He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
