just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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