how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
