im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
