dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pooping to opera.
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