Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
wow bdsm is so cute
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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