dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
