I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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