i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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