you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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