Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
