Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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