Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
