I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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