I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
