i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
