Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
