Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need to stop coming to work sober
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
