I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize