i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
