So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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