sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
