Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got chris browned last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
