Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
