my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
