OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
