he thought i was a dude.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
