Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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