Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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