Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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