I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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