idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
