So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
