He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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