He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize