She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
