ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i think im in europe. pls send help
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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