she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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