Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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