Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
