he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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