She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
