I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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