So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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