Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
