I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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