even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
