before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
