i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
