he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize