I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
