I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
