Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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