I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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