life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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