My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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