You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We got so high we made milksteak
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
