Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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