The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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