its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
