I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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