I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A+ Viking dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Pooping to opera.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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