i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
