Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize